"The Date"

Apparently I wrote this poem my junior year of high school in my creative writing course. For some reason the only poetry I can write rhymes. It must be because of my childhood love of Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss (in fact my admissions essay for UW was bases on Green Eggs and Ham). Anyways, I'm somewhat amused by this poem and hope you are too :)

The Date

Suzie glanced at the clock
ten minutes to eight
twenty minutes earlier
Bill had been due for their date.

Finally he arrived
in his dad's Honda Accord
and drove her to Wendy's
the only place he could afford.

There was dead air between them
no words he could speak,
he had forgotten the topics
he'd been working on all week.

After dinner he drove her
to his favorite show,
the one with the killing
and the gunfight in the snow.

A look of disgust
crept across her face,
she could not believe
he took her to this place.

At the end of the date
he went in for a kiss
but she turned her cheek
for a swing and a miss.

The night was finally over,
finally their date was through
Bill asked Suzie excitedly,
"When should I call you?"

812 Grant Street

Tonight I am sleeping in the red room at my grandma’s house. This is the den of the Victorian house that my mother grew up in, the room where the stockings were hung over the fireplace and the location of our yearly Christmas singing program, forced upon the youngest able cousins. Stockings are no longer hung over the fire place, as since my grandpa died its been to hard for my grandma to celebrate here in her house in Wausau. I used to be afraid to sleep in this room, but when I did, I made sure to never sleep looking towards the staircase, as that’s where my mother said she saw the ghost of her grandmother walk down.
Staying in this house reminds me of a different ghost, the ghost of the my childhood. I have so many great memories of this house. It saddens me that near the bottom of the endless sidewalk stairs there now lies a for sale sign. I feel like part of me is for sale too. Its hard to describe how truly great this house is. Each room is painted a different color and referred to by its color. Besides the red room, there is the blue room (a sitting room), the pink bedroom, the yellow bedroom, a green dining room, the vivid red sewing room and a recently painted yellow hallway. The grand staircase that my great grandmother supposed walked was used as a support for our giant marble tunnels (the small glass balls, not the stone), with the upper stairs second landing acting as our launching point.
There is also the telephone alcove with its bench I used to sleep on as the Easter Bunny tiptoed around me hiding baskets. I could tell a story about every nook and cranny of the house, even the outside. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of sitting on the screened-in front porch during a summer storm, putting together a puzzle beneath the hot air balloon lamp, safe from the lightening and rain. Or sleeping out there during an especially hot summer night. There’s the basement, which always used to scare me as a child, which held our games and julekake that we ate every Christmas. Opening presents under the tree in the blue room. Sleeping on the floor of the sewing room with my siblings and cousins, watching movies on Christmas Eve after the littlest ones had gone to bed. Sitting on the radiators in the kitchen on cold mornings (every morning in Wausau is cold), having to switch seats every few minutes when my bum got too hot. Washing dishes after meals with the women signaled a milestone of growing up.
It makes me sad that my children will not be able to experience the house like I have, that they will only be able to hear the stories and look at the pictures. They will never almost break every bone of their body riding down the cracked sidewalk on an overcapacity red wagon (maybe that’s a good thing) or listen to The Polar Express snuggled up with two other kids and a grandma in the yellow room or have their own kid-sized bed in the pink room, listening to the train pass the station in the middle of the night.
Every time I come to the house now, I take pictures, trying to hold on to a part of me that will soon be lost. All I can try to do is preserve the memories of this great house and most importantly, the memories of this loving family that I am so thankful to be a part of.

I am so complex, I can be summed up in 25 fun facts

I wrote this last February while I was living in NYC and its pretty much the same now as it was before. I've added notes however that are marked with an * now that I'm back in the Midwest. Even though it was one of those stupid facebook things, it is mildly entertaining, at least to me, and it does a good job of summing me up (if that's a word, summing) :)

1. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, but if I could, I would run a charity. (*Please hire me if you run one)

2. I'm lactose-intolerant but I eat ice cream and cereal with regular milk all the time. I would rather have an upset stomach than give up ice cream or drink that soy crap. (*I will use that soy crap for cereal however as my sister only used it in NYC)

3. I have an irrational fear of zombies. I can't stand to see them in movies and if I do, I'll have nightmares about them for weeks. (*Even if it's a comedy or cartoons. I got scared from Shaun of the Dead and will not, I repeat, will not see Zombieland)

4. I once got an airplane full of people clapping at 6am. A lady gave a presentation welcoming us aboard a funjet flight and I was extremely tired so I started clapping when she finished. The clapping caught on with the passengers around me and soon everyone was clapping for this woman. (*I thoroughly entertain myself)

5. I'd like to be like Angelina Jolie and adopt kids from all over the world someday (but without that freaky past that she has) (*Still my hope, although maybe I'll have one of my own)

6. I'm shy but I like to be the center of attention. An odd combination I know. (*I'm becoming less shy, uh oh, that's trouble for everyone else but as long as Zairah is my best friend...)

7. I am a horrible dancer. (*Still true, I've probably even gotten worse since I first wrote this)

8. I cry at everything including: movies with happy/sad endings, commercials, people doing the impossible, Dick Clark kissing his wife on New Year's Eve (*Seriously, I sobbed after they kissed, it was soo sweet, especially because he's so old)

9. I would love to travel the world and learn every language there is to know (I get a secret high when I understand what people are saying and they don't think I do). (*FYI - I'm proud to be a gori)

10. Working in retail has taught me that people are horrible. (*Okay, maybe not horrible, but honestly, always be nice to service people)

11. I obsess a little too much over poorly written teen dramas on the CW. (*Teen dramas are best when the actors look like and are, actually 30+ years old)

12. I love to watch "SVU" and "Criminal Minds" and any other crime drama right before bed even though they make me extremely paranoid. (*Not really feeling SVU these days but have gone to a lighter fare with "Bones" - they have a realistic(ish) Muslim character!)

13. I'm pretty sure I suffer from a mild case of OCD. I have to check that the front door is locked and chained at least three times before I can go to bed. (Of course this could be a result of #12 on the list) (*Now I have to make sure the garage door is closed)

14. I have a long torso and that's why I'm tall. My legs aren't actually very long. (*Hasn't changed)

15. I'm obsessed with "How I Met Your Mother" and honestly think it is one of the funniest shows on television. Its impossible to go wrong with NPH. (*Legen - wait for it - dary)

16. I dislike the word "moist." (*Seriously, who invented that word?!?)

17. I love bookstores and have a bad habit of buying books and not reading them. (*I found a gift card for B&N for $2.18 - That should justify a $40 purchase for me)

18. I sat front row at a Backstreet Boys concert in 7th grade and thought it was the coolest thing ever that I saw Nick Carter blow his nose off stage. (*They were like the Jonas Bros of my day)

19. I got so scared during "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" that I had to leave the room. Blood and guts creep me out big time. (If you ever watched a horror film with me, you'd notice that I only watch about 10 % of the film, during the rest of it, I cover my eyes) (*I think I saw about 20% of High Tension, then 0% of the next horror movie we watched, negating any progress I made)

20. I love being from Wisconsin and get really excited when references are made to the great state in movies and television. (*Seriously everywhere, although they rarely actually show the state)

21. At the very least, I believe in karma. I try to be nice everyone because you never know when it'll come back around. (*Still believe it's important to be nice to everyone)

22. I love being in pictures but I hate being filmed. There's something about hearing my own voice that I don't enjoy. (*Unfortunately, according to Nabeela, I am hideously ugly, so now my goal is to ruin all pictures :P (wow "P" is odd in this font but that is a smiley sticking out its tongue))

23. I refuse to eat at Yummy Buffet. I have been inside the restaurant (if you can even call it that) 3 times and all 3 times I have managed to talk my way out of eating there. (*Yummy Buffet has since closed down - I win)

24. I cannot stand the opening to the song "Baby Got Back." You'd hate it too if your name were Becky. (*I also hate the song "Becky," don't listen to it, it's vulgar, thanks Zaynab)

25. I miss my family and friends every day but I am really starting to enjoy living in NYC. I still get really excited when I see the city skyline as I'm riding the train. (*I'm obviously not in NYC right now, but I miss it and my friends there. I look forward to coming back)

The trouble with planning

I'm too anxious to sleep. I'm anxious about moving back to Wisconsin and missing my friends here and I'm anxious about what comes next in life. Sometimes its hard to be patient and let life do its thing. I want to know here and now what comes next. What job will I get? Where will I be living? When will I get married and to whom? These are all the questions I face as I head back home and the hardest thing for me to do is just be patient and wait and see. I struggle sometimes to just submit, let things work out as they are supposed to.
The biggest lesson I've learned this past year is that no matter how much you plan, life is going to happen how it wants to happen, irregardless of how you want it to be. When I first moved out to the East Coast, I was going to be a teacher. I would have teacher friends and a decent salary and everything would happen as I imagined it. A few weeks before I moved out here, I learned that these things, all my plans, weren't up to me. First, my program get canceled, and then on the day I was supposed to leave, my grandma's cancer rapidly took control and in the next days, took her from this earth. I flew out the day of my grandma's funeral, an interesting way to move out of the state for the first time, as I was dealing with the loss of my grandmother and leaving all my friends behind.
Without the teacher's program, I had to find work, and found it in at the world's largest department store. This was not my plan and I struggled working there, full of arrogance and sadness at my predicament. I would think to myself, "a person like me isn't supposed to be working here. I have a college degree and I find myself scanning items telling people where the bathroom is." But I think that is exactly where I was supposed to be. I learned how to be more humble as I watched my fellow employees go through their days, working to feed their families, in a job that they were so grateful to have.
As I look back now, I see there was a plan going on, just not my plan as I had envisioned it. If I hadn't worked at this large retail establishment, I would have never found my internship. In turn, I finally found what I want to do with my life, work with interfaith non-profits. Through both of those experiences I found some great friends and experienced some great moments that I will cherish. Sometimes the plan you need, isn't the one you want.
Now as I get ready to go back to Wisconsin, I must once again remind myself that all this is part of the plan. I must let life work itself out and remind myself not to stress out too much because not only is it not up to me, but I'll miss out on everything if I'm too consumed with trying to control my life and not live it. I'm sad to be leaving but eternally grateful to everyone who has made this experience so rewarding. I can't say when I'll be back, hopefully soon, but it's not up to me. As I pack up my items and memories, I'm going to keep reminding myself of these lyrics from "Glee" (yep, I'm a nerd) - "Hear me when I say when I say I believe/Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny/Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly."
As I go on this new journey, I am sad and anxious, but I'm trying my best to also be excited as I look forward to what's coming next.

It's 2 am and I'm not sleepy

Awesome. It's 2 am and I'm not sleepy. I like sleep, a lot, and by not being sleepy, I'm missing out on one of my favorite things, you guessed it, sleep. It could have been all that Diet Dr. Pepper I had with dinner. My sister had some and was able to fall right asleep, but I guess that's because she didn't have four glasses, like me. Some day I'll have self control...
I wish I were one of those creative types, that could write down some song lyrics or come up with a short story, but all my poems growing up were of the rhyming sort and I'm not sure how well that flies once you reach 23 and your name isn't Shel Silverstein. (Random fact: his son went to my high school.) I was in a creative writing class my senior year of high school. For our last paper we had to write a short story and read it aloud to the class as our final. I remember basing mine off of an episode of Doogie Howser, M.D. In the episode, Wanda's (Doogie's girlfriend) mother has died (from cancer, if I remember correctly, I was only like 10 when I watched it). She is having trouble saying goodbye so she ties a note to her mom on a balloon and sends it off into the sky. I'm pretty sure I hardcore plagiarized that, because their was certainly a death and a balloon goodbye in my story.
I also remember I was sick the day I was supposed to read my story so my friend Claire read it for me. I'm pretty sure I feigned being sicker so I didn't have to read it (most people in school had trouble telling us apart anyways). Aww, memories. At one point I did write my own work, including this awesome poem in elementary school in our Halloween Card contest. I should have won first place, not third. I was cheated, I tell you, because that was a quality poem. I'm surprised I never got a call from Hallmark....

At the beach...New York Style

I went to the beach yesterday. It was my one day summer vacation. My friend, Tala, and I took the LIRR to Long Beach and it was pretty much exactly how I pictured it would be. It was full, and I mean full, of loud-mouthed New Yorkers who mostly just sat on the beach and smoked. We had a good time though. The sun was shining, the waves were huge, and the water temperature was just right. I never knew the experience of going to the beach could be so New York though. We had to pay admission to get onto the beach, then whenever we wanted to swim we had to go into the designated swimming areas between two flags. I realize it was for safety, especially with the giant waves, but it was at times hard to move with all the people those people cramped in one little area, with this huge ocean in front of us.
I paid dearly today f0r my day of freedom. On the way back from the beach, my legs were starting to hurt. I realized that the sunscreen must have come off of the back of my legs while we were sitting on the train. I reapplied many times to my usual burn spots (face, back, shoulders) but forgot about the back of my legs. I look seriously like a lobster there, and can barely sit down. Oh well, at least I had fun...

I love NY (and myself)

I admit it. I am fascinated by celebrities. I think it mostly has to do with my jealousy toward the lifestyle they lead. Getting millions of dollars for memorizing lines and standing in front of a camera and a lot of them aren't even very good at it. I'd love the opportunity to go travel the world with these millions I've made, taking months off at a time to go visit Greece, then Hawaii, and on to Dubai. At the same time, I realize that these people work hard, and give up their privacy to do something they enjoy. They are constantly hounded by fans and the paparazzi who take their personal lives and make them into spectacles for everyone to see.

Living in NYC, I've seen many famous people while walking down the street (recent sightings include Susan Sarandon and Jane Krakowski). I never bother them, and I try not to stare, but honestly, it's kind of neat seeing someone you've admired close up. It makes you realize that they are real people with real lives who just want to go buy that cup of coffee or make it home in time to watch "American Idol."

My favorite sighting thus far happened in Greenwich Village. My friend lives over there and we were on our way to the pharmacy after dinner when we walked across the set of a movie they are filming over there. We saw a young woman who happens to star as the title role in a popular children's movie standing outside her trailer smoking a cigarette. She was tiny and looked extremely unhappy, which makes me question why people enjoy acting.

On our way back, a personal favorite of mine was standing outside of his trailer. Now I find this male actor extremely attractive but was rather disappointed to see him smoking a cigarette (what is with actors and smoking, honestly?!). Now like I said, I would never bother anyone so I continued to walk by with my friend. I couldn't help myself though and as we went I said "Shut it down" complete with the hand motion and kept on going. Anyone who watches "30 Rock" would understand this Liz Lemon reference, and by knowing me, you probably aren't that surprised I did that. No, I did not express my admiration for this fine young man, instead, I told him to "Shut it down" (meaning his smoking) as I walked away. Yes, I am awesome...

Back at it...

So here I am, back to blogging. I stopped for awhile, probably because I was disappointed in how my life had stalled. No more stalling for me. As you may or may not know, I'm still waiting to hear from the New York City Teaching Fellows. I would love to teach for them, and after brushing up on my Spanish with Jessica and Charlene, I will be completely ready. Unfortunately, they are not quite ready for me yet. Hopefully, they will have the funding and I'll be on my way to a Master's degree in Education. I have put a deadline on my staying in my current job. I will only be there until mid May. Unlike my staying at Bath and Body Works for three years, I will not become comfortable with this job. I realize that the economy is bad, but there is no reason for me to live here to have such a mind-numbing job.
For those of you who haven't talked to me recently, I have a new life plan. Either after I finish teaching, or starting in Fall 2010, I will be returning to school to get my Master's in International Relations. After my most recent, unfulfilling work experience, I now know I need to do something in this world that has meaning. So there we have it, I'm off to change the world. Hopefully next time I write, I'll be gainfully employed and on my way towards working for world peace...